Russian Catholic schoolgirl lesbo prison sluts

t.A.T.u. forgo the schtick

by Adrienne So

The appeal of t.A.T.u. is so complex that it can only be illustrated through a story. A fable, if you will. Last Saturday, I went to a small, classy get-together with red wine, sorbet, U.S. history grad students and hardcore animal lovers. Among these goodies was a tray of luscious-looking brownies, which, according to our habit, my friend George and I launched ourselves at, like little sneaker-clad rocket ships.

"These are amazing!" George exclaimed.

"And they're vegan!" Sarah the animal lover said.

"They are so good!" I said.

"And they're even better, because they're vegan!" Sarah beamed.

"They're vegan?" George said, as words finally passed through his chocolate-hazed brain. "Goddammit. Now I have to go strangle a chicken to make up for all the animals I didn't eat."

Sarah left.

If George had been t.A.T.u., he would've gone and strangled eight chickens and made the vegans watch while he drank their blood. Then he would've put on a mini-kilt and pranced around in the rain while tongue-kissing another man, but that's a different story altogether. I love this band. Its mere existence - let alone its ensuing popularity - is a giant middle finger to the world of musical snobbery.

2002's video of "All the Things She Said" was the Scrooge McDuck of music videos. It enraged, amused and inflamed - but hey, in the end, there's just something endearing about such a naked display of cynical, calculated greed.

Naked greed is nothing new in the music industry. But very few have the balls to reach for it like that. Here's another thing that separates t.A.T.u. from the cold, grasping fingers of the Jessica Simpsons and Lindsay Lohans of the world - "All the Things She Said" is an awesome song. If I had a nickel for every Michelle Branch clone out there, I wouldn't be working in a record store, I'd be a professional caviar-eater and limousine-rider. But in a world of boring, black-haired lasses singing sincerely about themselves - t.A.T.u. is dark and gothic. They mix strings arrangements and techno. That driving beat alone is enough to start me sweating under my armpits.

And above all this complexity are those two pre-pubescent voices, high and sweet and plaintive. They are like two beautiful gulls, soaring over a dark and roiling sea. Or something.

As clever as their schtick was, the shock value of two Russian Catholic schoolgirl lesbo prison sluts could only last for so long - which is a damn shame, in my book. I've heard of this particular phenomenon among lesbian couples of long-standing - that eventually the sex decreases until they are just best friends who happen to share the same bed.

Well, if t.A.T.u. happens to be lesbians, this process must have been dramatically accelerated because on their second album, Dangerous and Moving, they have downgraded the lesbian love affair until they merely share the strong bonds of best friendship - which, if you've ever seen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, is nothing to sneeze at. Having won the attention and monetary rewards that they so richly deserve, t.A.T.u. can now rest on their laurels and continue to do what they do best - which is produce kickass pop music.

The lyrics are sharp, the music semi-industrial, and is that Sting playing the bass on one of the songs? Sweet Lord, yes it is. Sting plays bass on "Friend or Foe", which I've read is set to be the next single released. The lyrics have that adolescent passion which we can all still remember, when prompted: "We used to love one another/Live for each other/So/Are you friend or foe?/Because I need to know."

My favorite song on the album, however, makes about as much sense to English speakers as the 1.5 songs sung in Russian. "Cosmos (Outer Space)" is about living in outer space. I don't get it. But it still has a strong driving beat, even if the chorus can get repetitive and annoying.

I apologize. This review should've only been a paragraph long. How long does it take to say, "I love it!" anyway? But I realized what I was up against when free promotional materials were being given out and the free copy of this CD was being openly mocked. I spent good money on that thing. Don't laugh at me.

You are not what you listen to: I am not a quasi-lesbian Russian pop duo and have no intention of becoming so in the near future. But the fact remains that this album is a solid collection of intense, quality pop. For all you pop-loving crap-mongerers who are licking up the new Imogene Heap album like it was coated in Pixie Stix sugar dust, please consider giving Dangerous and Moving a chance.