The Hurt Process
A Heartbeat Behind
Victory Records

Dear Victory Records,
I recently picked up A Heartbeat Behind, and after listening to the album, I felt compelled to write to your company. Not often does a cd evoke such emotion to where I’m willing to take time out of my hectic schedule (professional part-time substitute teacher-respect) to compose a letter. As a record label, I understand that Victory Records’ primary interest is to increase the value of its shareholders stock. Signing bands like The Hurt Process is a sure-fire way to bolster profits. They’re safe, accessible, and have the “right” look. They fit right in with the million other techno-emo acts who currently flood the airwaves. By offering nothing new, The Hurt Process could easily rise to the top of the charts, silently passing under the scrutiny of critics. With enough radio play and a snazzy video, middle school girls across the country will be mindlessly humming the homogenized sound of The Hurt Process.

However, you are probably well aware of the possibility, or inevitability, of over-saturating a market. Hair metal, grunge, and rap rock were thrown at the public in such massive doses that even Mick Mars’ adamantium veins were no match. All too quickly, equally brilliant bands (Nirvana) and shamefully bad ones (Poison) were overplayed so much that most people grew tired and tuned out (which in Poison’s case is ultimately better for us all!). I had a revelation the other day; emo is not a bad dream, but is in fact the latest fad. I can only pray that the masses will lose their interest in this particularly annoying genre, mainly so that I can go back to getting cooler free promos which I don’t immediately want to sell.

I’m certain that you, Victory Records, are far too elitist to give any credence to what I’ve said. Hopefully. You’ll skim through this letter at least read the first and last lines. Fine. Your record label is evil and represents all that is wrong with the music industry. - Andrew Andermatt