Lightning Bolt
Hypermagic Mountain
Load Records, 2005

Open C:\My Documents\Reviews\Form Letters for Awesome But Unsurprising Releases\NoiseRock.doc:

The new release by __(insert band name here)__, entitled __(insert album title here)__ (Load Records,__(year of release)__) is yet another ferocious attack on all that is deemed musical. This duo, made up of drummer and vocalist __(insert drummer's name here)__ and bass player __(insert bass player's name here)__, has shown once again with their __(release number)__ release (not counting any of their countless tour CD-R's and obscure cassette releases) that gut-busting, ball-breaking, in-your-face rawk'n'roll is not dead, nor ever will be. __(band name)__'s relentless, super-fast style may be a little one-dimensional, but the pure energy behind it makes __(album name)__ a worthwhile release for any noise rock fan. Just try to sit still during __(random track title)__, or during the hyper-active audio assault that is __(random track title)__. In this day and age, now that robots rule the Earth (IMPORTANT: DELETE ITALICS IF ROBOTS DO NOT YET RULE EARTH), noise rock has become a bit of an over-bloated genre, with few bands straying far from the template. In fact, reviewing a CD like __(album name)__ almost seems a little pointless; after all, __(album name)__ certainly won't win over any non-believers, just as it won't disappoint any current fans. It's like an album by Sonic Youth or Fugazi: predictably fantastic. But even though __(band name)__ may not do much to reinvent or progress the genre this time around, there's no denying that __(album name)__ remains a strong release and a good soundtrack for wreaking havoc and alienating your parents. ROCK AND ROLL WILL NEVER DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (MOST IMPORTANT: DELETE LAST SENTENCE IF ROCK AND ROLL IS IN FACT DEAD)-- David Gulbis